Drew Cochrane on Largs seagull menace and gull decline

I think STV started it with a feature declaring that "chips are stacked against seagulls as numbers fall".  Then BBC got in on the act with a report that the Cheesy Toast food shack in St Andrews is offering seagull insurance to their customers.

If the pesky 'flying rats' swoop down and steal tasty stuff from folks' hands, the Cheesy staff replace the goodies...if they paid an extra pound for insurance. I think it could catch on in the Largs promenade kiosks.

Well, I suppose this paper had to get in on the trend with the recent headline 'Seagull Steals Pizza Slice On Seafront'.

This led to a right stushie on Facebook which I resisted the temptation to engage in. There was enough satire flying around, with Thomas Ellis suggesting next week's headline would be 'Seagull poops on car roof' (although he wasn't so polite).

Paul Gibson suggested, 'Rain Falls Over Largs' while Paul Gusterson posted a billboard headline, 'Panic as Man Burns Crumpet'.

However, despite the perennial paroxysm about scavenging, aggressive gulls, scientists say that the seabirds are struggling, with numbers falling dramatically. Aye, they're certainly falling from the skies where we live.

The bleeding heart scientists point out that they are "birds of conservation concern" due to flu and dwindling food supplies. The British Trust for Ornithology want to recruit volunteers for a Winter Gull Survey to monitor our feathered foes.

Humans weren't the only ones delighted at the easing of Covid restrictions... (Image: Contributed)

To be fair to this worthy journal, the actual Largs seagull story revolved around the kindness of a stranger who ran up to Greggs takeway to replace the child's stolen pizza slices, plus a few buns thrown in. However, Facebook correspondents had a field day.

Eddie Williams quipped that "gulls have no concept of crime" while Graham McInnes said that he couldn't wait for the movie.

Kenny Philip suggested that it was only a matter of time before a headline of "Seagull steals child from Largs seafront". Robbie Crossan asked if there was too much paperwork for the police to get involved, and Margaret Hopkirk hoped that the seagull in question read the story and apologised!

It wasn't all hilarity as Brian Robinson urged a cull on "the bloody things" and "the brain dead idiots" who feed them.

Funnily enough, a friend who frequents my old home town of Stevenston insists that the seagulls there are much better behaved than ours.  As the old song goes...Gulls just wanna have fun.

Thought for the Week:  Be thankful for what you have. Be assured that many people would love to have what you've got.

I have a screw loose (what do you mean, you knew that?).  The screw I'm referring to is in my knee, but medical folk will know it by its proper name.

But that's the problem. So far, I've had to self diagnose because, understandably, a GP can't tell from looking if it is a cartilage problem, a tear in my meniscus (me being a walking football athlete), or old age osteoarthritis.  

However, after three months of hobbling on it, I know there is something loose in the knee. It's a floppy knee, like a hinge that needs tightened or sprayed with WD40. This time last year I was jogging up hills and, yes, maybe that's where it all went wrong.

After two face-to-face doctor appointments, plus a telephone consultation, I have applied gels, green lipped mussel cream and am consuming Glucosomine pills daily to try to heal the tissue.

I am offloading my woes upon you, dear reader, to point out the rate at which the NHS works, or doesn't work.

Why does it take five to six weeks to get the results of an X-ray that lasted two minutes? Seems like someone somewhere is not working hard enough. Why don't they do X-rays at the weekend? Why does it take many weeks to get a physio appointment? Why would it take 18 months to see an orthopaedic specialist?

There's something loose in the NHS joints.